The one who always wanted to be with him
by Shinodic
Summary: Beta: Castiellic Balsam - and beta and a wonderful co-author)) Fandom: Supernatural / Supernatural Characters: CAS/Dean, Sam Rating: R Genre: Slash, Angst, POV Warning: OOC Description: They are capable of doing the angel, for the sake of love to the man?(sorry, translated from the Russian language. May be errors and inaccuracies. I hope it does not hurt to get the pleasure from)


Part 1

It's weird, this mortal... Arrogant, sharp. Completely not such as all normal people. And why did he need you, Father? Why it should have been back from hell? Let be better stayed there, where the place of the same people, as he. And what he actually thinks about himself? Talking to me, as if with his no less arrogant brother. But what can you do, I had to follow him to hell and pull it out. The chosen one. Only think! He even hear me can't while I'm in his true form. Trying to tell him something, but only all-glass повзрывал. Had to take a human vessel. Now here I was with him more messing around. Once you so wished, Father, you have to execute the order.

No, well, you just look! He had me perverse to call names! It is unbearable! Now, at some point, I heard that he again appealed to me. Wait, what do I hear? Prayer? Dean Winchester for the first time prayed to me. I, of course, immediately appeared to him.

And here he was standing in front of me with his usual expression. Serious and harsh, as usual. And that again he need? While there, his face was a little different emotion. Despair?

- Prayer - the first attribute of faith, Dean. "I stood behind him and he huddled up, turned to me.

"CAS, I need your help. Please... help, " I know he wants to ask me to help Sam. To save him from meeting with Lilith. But no, I'm not in any event be able to prevent drawn.

"I can't, Dean, I'm sorry, " my voice sounded unusually sharply. I don't even expect. Since when was I began to talk so rough?

"CAS, you're the last hope, I pray thee, take him out of here, he is not ready to a meeting with Lilith... " I look at him and noticed that he was composing himself from crying. And what is this I feel... No, Кастиэль, you can't do that. It is impossible!

- Dean... I'm Sorry, I want to help you, but to fulfill your request is not in my power! "I myself feel like sincerity and pain are compressed into a tight knot somewhere deep inside him. I feel sorry for him. I understand that here is the real Dean Winchester. The Dean, which I wanted to see. The Dean, which I feared to see... Afraid of, because they are too attached to him, to his disgusting nature and caustic explicit jokes. Even to his unfathomable passion for fast food. Besides, as he is asleep... No! CAS, stop! Don't let this image of Dean's inside yourself!

"Because this is the divine prophecy!? "he was screaming , breaks down.

- Yes!

"We'll sit and wait for it to happen? You're kidding me!? "he still can't understand that I can't help! I want to... but I can't. He looks at me, but I can no longer say anything.

"Forgive me, Dean.

"Then I spit on you, on your mission, to be your God! "he said it with hatred. And with obvious pain... on The one hand, I should have become easier, because Dean, who I just wanted to protect, disappeared. - And only in the next time, when you suddenly need my help, I don't go! - last he literally spat in my face. No, I'm not afraid of what Dean would not help me. I could without it perfectly cope with everything. With all but one yourself. I could not be without him...

- Dean... " I whispered a name, realizing how much he so important to me. - DEAN! "I abruptly turned, he turned towards me. "I can't really get into it... you have to understand it. The prophets are a special caste, they are under protection. "Well... I broke down. It was at this point I broke down. I realized that for me, it is very important to help this man.

- I understood. - he gets angry with ледянящей hatred spits out every word.

- If someone would be in danger... anyone, anyone, Archangel come and destroy the threat. Archangels steadfast and do not know mercy. This is the most terrible of heaven weapons... " I give him a hint. I know that Dean was so stupid, as many believe. Feel the joy fills me, when the anger on his face is replaced by the interested party.

Part 2

Somehow I is very important that he never cared for me to hate. I still don't know why, but I need it.

- And these archangels are tied to the prophets? "Yes, he understood. He knew what I was hinting! In the shower I was jubilant.

-Yes. - Dean approached me, violating the borders of the same put personal space. Somehow I was thrown into a fever.

"What if the prophet in the same room with the demon? - he asked the question which needed to be. I will give him the last tip, and I am sure that he will do everything, as it should.

"Then the most terrible rage of heaven come down on this daemon.- I'm taking a glance to the side, slightly lifted up my head. "Do you know now why I can't help... " I said with a hint, and then looked him in the eye. For a moment I was distracted from everything that was happening in my mind. I looked him in the eye. I read in them gratitude. Here it is, Dean Winchester. A minute ago he was ready to kill me. He hated me. But now he stood in front of me and was ready to give me a hug.

"Yes... Thank you, CAS.. thanks. It is always pleasant to receive gratitude. But now I was jubilant. It was important for me exactly what it was he thanked me. It is in I realized then that I became attached to him.

"Good luck, Dean... " he's gone. I know that he will do everything as you need to. And for a long time I stood on the spot and thought. Thinking about it. I began to him cling same time ago. Even there, in hell, touching his life, and I realized that this is something special. But I tried so hard to build a wall between him and me. I build, build. I knew, as called it the feeling of the people. But he knew that it was impossible. I realized this and decided to more walls not build. I wanted to tell Dean about his feelings. Wasn't sure if I should do so, but still made. I came to him in a dream. I wouldn't say directly, because it just would have thought that it was a bad dream. I handed him a sheet of paper with the address of where I will wait for it. And disappeared. I was there, but suddenly my chest ripped open the terrible pain. And I flew out of the vessel. Woke up I was in heaven. In front of me sat a few of the angels. They were the chief of the point in the sky. I stood in front of them. Wanted to know what had happened. But I didn't have to. Hester said all by itself.

"Hello, Кастиэль. We had to urgently get you here. Your character is broken, fell to human feelings, " she said in an icy voice, and I listened carefully. Not because I wanted to, but because he could not resist. She pinned me to the floor, and from her face I felt that the break. She caused me physical pain, but I never made and sound. "We sent thee not to you running around, and waited for the man. You are a Soldier of Heaven, and not the servant of man. You fight me, I can feel it even now. But understand, Кастиэль, you will do so, as our choosing. We can instantly erase you in the powder, can torture you until you again don't bring your own mind. And believe me, we have more methods than the crappy demons. We can also simply deprive you of grace and heavenly post. We'll bring you back, but you're not going to listen to Dean Winchester. "she paused. Invisible chains slept with my body, I immediately wanted to go back, but the flash of light I was sent to another place...

I hardly opened his eyes, was terribly hurt. The light glowing, and with each new flash of light I felt from me clipped out by one after the other layers of grace. It's as with the man alive rip off the skin. I жмурился, screaming, but no one responded. I don't know how much of it продолжалось. but with one of outbreaks gave me in the darkness. I was again before the angels. But they were silent.

- I understood. - with these words I heard, as I called Jimmy Novak. I returned to the body of his daughter. Demons got to him. To his family. I helped. I already wanted to leave, but Dean stopped me. He asked what I emo wanted to say. But I knew that I would never tell him that.

"While I was not there, I understood something. I realized that serve the sky, not the man. And certainly not you, Dean Winchester, - with these words, I turned and walked away. Do not deny, that was very hard for me to say it. Especially now, when I realized that I needed it. I went away.

Dean warned me that we need to stop the Apocalypse. I believed him. But now I had no choice. When Zacharias had locked him in a room, I watched as Dean rushing there. He asked the brother. He glared at me. Again with hatred. And I hated myself for that, so just gave up, so just went on about. I tossed. The angels keep an eye on me, and I'm looking for a way to somehow help Dean. But there was nothing I could find. And only when Zacharias said to me that Dean doesn't know, that she in fact was the last seal, and Dean stubbornly believed that it must be killed to stop the Apocalypse, I flew to him. He asked to see his brother. He looked me straight in the eye, and I was ashamed to lift up our eyes on him... He said. He again told me what was right. And I did not dare to соступить of the way. I could not understand, that to me is more important. Love for this man, let and not mutual, or the love of the family. I turned away his head, and again he turned me towards him and forced to look into his eyes. I was unbearably painful to look into his eyes and tell a lie.

"You... Бесхребетный, heartless son of a bitch! - Dean again as if he spat in my face. Turned away. If he knew how hard it is for me all this! As I want to follow him. Even knowing that we chased. I was ready to follow him, protect him... And I was gone.

Break. Again. Just break under the weight of sight those green eyes. It took five minutes, as I returned to him. I firmly decided to help. If I for example Dina learned to follow his goal, my goal at the moment was to stop the Apocalypse. Oh, how bad timing повился Zechariah and noticed me. I drove him away. I told Dean that Lilith was the last seal, and the need to keep Sam from killing her. We went to Chuck. The prophet told us where we needed to go. Then all shake and filled with light, and I realized - the Archangel close. I sent Dean of the monastery of the Holy Mary, where all of this happened, and he was with Chuck, accepting the gift of the Archangel on himself. I knew that I could only live a couple of moments. But for the sake of the Dina, I was ready to sacrifice their lives. And now, that's the very moment, when I was blowed to pieces. I died. I destroyed. But I don't regret it, because I did so for the sake of man. The man, whom he loved.

Part 3

And now I'm alive again. I was again revived. Probably, it is the Father, I don't know. But I went back and immediately went straight to the Dean. I needed to see him. At the time of my appearance just as he writhed in pain, which awarded him Zechariah. I'm in a threatening tone told Zechariah disappear, because I could not admit that my man again suffered. My. I am still a bit посмаковал this word in your mind. Yes... I have not refused from the fact that love Dean and from the fact that willing to give up everything for the sake of it.

In heaven they all knew about my feelings. The bulk of the angels was against this. At the head of them was Raphael. He has been configured categorically. Offered, though not, rather demanded stood by his side and forget about my man. But I, as always, opposed such proposals... He threw me like a kitten, rested his foot on my chest when I writhed in front of him from the pain. It was so humiliating. He laughed at me. Every time I raise my head, followed by a blow. To me it was hard to see him before me, the blood flooded his eyes, and I kept telling him that this person is dear to me. Raphael, laughing, left, and I lay face down in the ground. I was crying. I have never been familiar with the feelings of the people, but now, when Dean practically "breathed in my life, I learned to feel. I'm not saying that's bad, because I realized that I love him. But now I felt something else besides bright emotions. The fact that Dean was right. Almost all of the angels sons of bitches. Spineless the heavenly host. And I decided that I will do so, as he saw fit.

I continued to fulfil its responsibilities in heaven and in every way helped Винчестерам. In some moments I again became gloomy celestial warrior. But it was the mask. I was waiting for. Waiting for the moment when I'll be able to change everything. I know that it will come.

I've had a hard time. I tried to help Sam and Dean. But looming over the world the threat was my brother Lucifer. Dean tossed from side to side, trying to at least do something. The news that he and Sam are the genuine vessels of the archangels are not very much they enjoyed. Yes me too. I decided to find my Father, to ask him for help. I took the Dean of his amulet. Tell him that he's magic and glows in the presence of God. I lied. I just wanted to at least some part of Dean was all the time with me, while I'm searching expanses of the Earth...

When the hard Drives are in the Paradise, I had hoped that Joshua would tell them about the, where is the God. But when I found out that Joshua told them, I was confused and overwhelmed. At that moment, I realized that I have no one to serve much longer. Father don't care for me! And I denied. Forever renounced Heaven and fell on the Ground. Only one thing kept me going is the fact that a number of Dean, that I would be able to defend him. I can be next to him.

Then I acted stupid. Dean always drank when he was ill. Oh, and I decided to do the same in order to facilitate the mental suffering. I went into the shop with alcohol and drank, drank, drank, drank, drank... With each drink, my status all the more clouded by the fact that I was losing hope and faith in the Dean.

When I came to his brethren, that already then realized that Dean is set on something too strongly. I was surprised and angry, when Dean told about the desire to become a vessel of Michael. I just could not stand. I wanted to scream. But despite this, I was silent and still helped everyone, than could. They, too, did a lot for me. And I, I just have to save Dean. Sam and I locked him in the bunker at Bobby. Dean said to me something about human intimacy and my eyes. To be honest, I'm not really understood then, that he had in view.

But I was pleased, I don't know why. I later came back to him, check as he. Not found him and I already thought of that, something happened. Went into the tank. "Hey,CAS..." Flash of light, and I woke up in the Paradise.

I was angry. As I ran from angels, I thought, as smash the face of this bastard. I found him quickly. My rage knew no bounds. How could he send me back, when I come to help?! After some time Dean found himself in some alley. I came immediately. Smashed it into one wall, then the other, frantically, desperately beat. Not because it wanted to hurt him. But because I feared for him. In my plans did not want to give it to Michael. I stopped, because I realized that even a little bit, and kill him. And Dean and was so willing to do this. But I stood for a minute, gave him those who hate the look and sent to Bobby. I feared for him and would like to do more, but could not. I didn't want to heal him, I wanted to leave him this pain. That he knew, what I feel. Time is inexorably moving forward, and it was necessary to do something. The angels, as it turned out, guns of the Dean. Decided to choose the third brother, Adam. I do not argue, that Adam did not inspire me confidence, but Dean and Sam more or less believed it, too, part of his family, and I was forced to accept. And was not surprised, when they rushed to rescue the boy. I, of course, helped. It was not easy. Burn a few of the angels and by the way, himself. But I no longer believe in the fact that Dean cope. I saw that he was looking for any way to surrender. And all that I have is to let them pass. Though at that time I did more for themselves. I wanted to see how surrender Dean. The flash. I was gone.

I opened my eyes again. Could he have gone back to me? Only I do not understand. I have no power. His head swam, and I felt drawn somewhere in the darkness, the body hurt, I didn't get nothing really understand how blacked out. The next time I woke up from the pain in the whole body. I was lying on a hospital bed, and could hardly breathe. I immediately realized that I'm not an angel. Apparently, it was to me a lesson from the Father. I immediately called Dinah. It was my first duty. I didn't even remember that some time ago did not believe in him. When I heard his voice, I was so warm, and the pain subsided. In my chest, something explosion sounded and a beat. I even did not immediately began to speak, because choked a storm of emotions. Dean is so carefully inquired about me. I was glad. Not even just glad and happy. A little later we were all together moving forward, looking for Death. Sam's decision to let Lucifer I don't like. Because I know of his brother. But for all that time, that I know the family of hard Drives, one, I just realized - if they have something to stick in your head, then this is nothing ticks of them do not pull out. But when the plan collapsed, even I have lost all hopes. Yes, my feelings were doing in me a huge hole. This insane desire to be closer to the Dean drove me crazy. Therefore, when he decided to go rescue Sam - I could not leave him. I knew that I would be killed there, but once again I sacrificed himself in order to somehow support my Dean. To help him. And Yes, after the throw, burning bottles with the Holy oil - destroy me Lucifer. I exploded.

Some time later I was back in that place. I again returned. Only this time I was full of energy. I saw in front of a Dean. He sat on his knees, on the earth. His face was disfigured, all in blood stained. Here I felt the pain, which whistled in his soul. It was painful to even look at him like that. I desperately wanted to help him, but again could not. So I went over and healed him. Then healed Bobby. It was all over. Sam was in the cell with Michael and Lucifer.

Dean promised to Sam, that he will go to Lisa. I was jealous, clenching his hands to the pain. But was glad that Dean happy. I could not deny him, as well as could not be with him. I stood at the gates of the invisible, every day, and looked at him. Crying. Meanwhile, in the Heavens started a mess.

I returned to the skies in search of a refuge, but hated me. I went only to the mountain of corpses of their brothers and sisters. Was unbearable. Unbearably painful. I have killed every one of the angels who had the bad things said about him. About my man. I killed his family, cut out one by one. For the sake of it. I'm crazy. Then he returned Raphael. He hated me for help Винчестерам, for the foiled the Apocalypse, for my love to the person and mankind as a whole. And again he slapped me, beat them up. I was too weak to fight. Once again, I was drowning in the blood. After defeating Raphael disappear, and then I wash the grass tears. Tears of pain, despair and broken love.

Once again I came to the house, where was now Dean. I was nowhere else to go. The emergence of Crowley was a bit of a sudden... He offered to help me. At first I was determined aggressively. But he assured me that I will be able to restore their justice and their rights in the sky. I agreed. I just wanted as can be agonizing destroy all those who were against Dean. Against my love to him. We returned to Sam, but later I found out that I returned it without a soul. Back way to turn I could not. Then again they began to hunt and I as before helping them. I was glad that Dean was gone from Lisa. But to break the contract with Crowley could not. I did not understand himself, as is gradually going to the bottom. I was lying. Constantly lied to your man. I ate yourself from the inside out for it, but my goal was too close. When they found me, I was ready to sink into the ground. Dean. He trusted me in spite of everything, believe in me... And I failed... I'm torn from the inside to small pieces. When I appeared in the house of Bobby night, for the diary, I couldn't go to the Dean.

"Hello, Dean. - my voice is barely audible and trembled a little, but I know that he hears me

"CAS? How did you get here? "he surprised and even frightened, he thinks that I'm able to hurt him. Then I decided to put him all the truth. What I am doing is for the sake of US.

- When Bobby drew symbols " he's somewhere wrong.

"Too bad, because ангелонепроницаемость now our main concern. - sleepily rubbed his eyes, and got up from the bed.

"Dean, I want you to understand - " he interrupted me, don't let him finish.

- I understand, CAS! Raphael, blah blah blah!

- I do it for you, Dean! For the sake of you! "here... I said to him.

"For me? Laughing, or what? - Dean turned away from me. So I knew that I shouldn't have started it.

"You.. you taught me that freedom is something that you have to follow... again I began.

"CAS! The knowledge of what you can do whatever you want - don't give you the right to do what you want! Such is life, CAS! "he is still trying to help me. He tells me about the family that I'm a member of their family, that I was close to him as Sam and Bobby. In me like a bomb went off. I shouted and vanished.

When I absorbed the soul, I felt completely different. There were some feelings and I knew not what he said. Rude Dinah, finally pushed hard Drives from himself. But at that moment I затуманивала eyes revenge. Mad for revenge! I went to the heavens. I tore to pieces all those who rose up against, I built up a mountain of corpses, to prove to everybody who I am. I'm a new God! If I knew, as soon as I failed. How loud I fall from his imaginary pedestal. And here I am, a crippled левиафанами, again in the house of Bobby. Ask for help from those who recently gave up. And they still help me. I feel like Dean hates me, but still he is ready to help me. When I held the little spark of hope that he needs me. The feeling of guilt before this man was boundless. For the fact that I broke down the barrier of the head of Sam and now he was catching bugs. I did this. I was to blame for this. I swung at the top of the hard Drive even more problems, though had to help him. Support. Does that make loving people! I hated myself more and more. I could think of nothing in the head, in addition, as standing before the verge of opening up the gates to Purgatory, say to him: «Forgive me, Dean». Stupid, but the fix I couldn't. And I hoped it was my last moments of life. Because I did not want to live any more. See what he's done. I just chickened out. I let the soul, fell. But very soon I woke up. I was ashamed of myself, I would like to atone for his guilt, but again could not. And then I felt my body trying to take leviathans. They have not left my body. I held them as he could, cried Dinah, so that they fled. But then only lapses in memory.

Clearance. I can see how one hand throw the Dean of the way.

Then Bobby.

I say something. But it's not my voice.

I walk down a hallway.

Water.

A Lot Of Water.

The darkness.

I'm torn by leviathans.

Again dead.

Part 4

I remember how he woke up on the shore of the river, as I found the girl. It seems that her name was Daphne. I was completely naked. She stood in front of me and said, that God wanted her to find me. Somehow I knew nothing of. Absolutely nothing. Or about who I was, or what had happened to me. She took me to her home, warmed. For some reason I began to think of her as his wife. I found the strength, somehow I could help people. Heal them. I consider it my duty - to help. And I helped. All, who could only. But one day, on returning home, I saw on the threshold of the unknown man, who stabbed with a knife the other person. I came closer I saw the real face of the dead man. I asked the stranger, what it all meant. I thought he was too familiar. Then the man asked me to help his brother. Of course, I agreed, because he saved my wife from the demon! We went to his brother. This man - Dean, struck me as a little strange, he thought, that I can be bad. And all because of the fact that he gave a friend. It was the name of the CAS, it seems. On the way we are joined by the girl. Well, the girl. She was a demon. But this strange man insisted that it was a friend. Very strange, because the demon could be another man. When we arrived at the hospital, I saw a lot of other demons. Somehow they were all about the hospital, where he lay brother Dean. When I asked them what to do, they told me that I was an angel. But then I found out that I was the CAS, which once was the best friend of the Dean. I was very sorry, but I just couldn't remember anything. I went to meet демонам.И then in my mind something turned and I realized, as I destroy them. And gradually I thought of all that he's done. When the last of them fell to my feet, I finally remembered everything. Who am I, who is the Dean, who is Meg, as well as angels and demons. And yet... I remembered all that I've done. As he broke down the wall at the head of Sam, as almost ditched the whole world... And how issued leviathans. I said that I remembered. Dean looked at me with understanding, but I knew that he would never forgive me. More than ever. I was so disgusted that I wanted to run away, but Dean stopped me. He gave me my coat. I was surprised, because he had it all the time with him. Really, after all that I've done - he could forgive me. It is this light particle and gave me strength. We went to Sam and I immediately tried to restore his wall. But could not. Again I fell down, I was totally broken. I thought that I just can't live like this, after all that's what he's done. Because each time it was getting worse and worse. I just looked at Sam. He writhed in agony, the vision of bringing it. He did not sleep, it is constantly harassed Glitches. Still it hurts me was because blame it all was I and I alone. Dean asked again, and again I do not know, than to help him. I saw, as he needs a brother, as it is broken. And then it hit me. I found that if I can't remove the cause, you can move all to himself. I was already all the same, what will happen with me. Because I didn't deserve life. I could not see Dean in his eyes. I grabbed his forehead and move all my agony on himself.

The first thing I saw was my brother Lucifer. He laughed loudly in my head. At first I couldn't block it, but then I realized that I lose my connection with the world surrounding me. I would have been happy and not die, but no. Father thought that I should suffer, looking at the consequences of their actions. And Yes, I could not and moments of relax. Constantly feeling of guilt before the one dear to me man - caused me to nothing. Until one day the flash does not stunned me.

Some time later I woke up. Something in my head finally turned over. I did not feel anything, that before. I just see more.

Part 5

I found a very interesting flight of butterflies. So she swam and swam over the flowers. It was a Paradise for the smallest insect. She flew one, tumbling over each flower, exploring in order. Funny was that, after looking, I saw a whole way of flowers. It was fabulous. Previously, I took no notice of this. And the cats, on the territory of the hospital there was a lot of cats. I was struck by the fact that the penises of cats across the length covered with needles. And what cats? It's awful the way they all of this tolerated? Of course I understand that the need for the continuation of the race was the main priority, but all the same - females know about it?

I also looked at the cute little bird, that all this time, sat on a branch in front of my window. It is with some curiosity looked at me and, when I smiled, she began to tweet. Strange bird, it has responded to the manifestation of human emotions. But even here, with me all the time was Meg. I am very grateful to her for it. I tried to speak to her, but she is not very sociable. It is more клонила in the vicinity, but I did not aspire to this. I much more interesting to talk about birds than to commit the sin of adultery with the demon. Another thing - the Dean, but he was not particularly support this idea. One day he came to see me. With Sam. I was glad to see them, not even just be happy, but deliriously happy. I embraced them. Both. Embrace only one Dean would be strange. But as I was glad to finally touch him. Feel the warmth of it. I wanted something to distract the hard Drive, like to tell about the observations that I have made, but they are, as always demanded a lot of answers. Then they brought with them a tablet. Thought I could read what was written there. And I only saw a cluster of obscure scrawl. Trying again joke, I realized that they are not up to it. Then they Meg argument, I didn't want to listen to it and so I went downstairs. When to me after a few minutes joined Dean, I knew that he came not to heart talk. He just needed my help, and I'm not myself. Play he refused, although a couple of moves all did. It was funny, yet he did not scatter the game on the floor. The nurse began to swear, so I had to collect all from the floor. Then I heard the angels said to Sam. We immediately got there, Dean drew the sign, and I was talking to Hester. Yes, she went down for a prophet. And didn't know I was alive. I knew perfectly well that she can tell Dean about my feelings. Or, what is much worse is to destroy all. But Dean had time and sent all of us.

The flash. And I woke up at the stadium. There were a lot of dogs, they ran. They had big sad eyes. They did everything on instincts. They ran for the reward. Of course, they did not understand that they run for the prize for the owner. They ran for the food and угощеньем that would give them the owners. Then I called Meg, she told me where they are. The brothers were preparing to murder dick. And I strongly refused to participate in these wars. I much more interesting to watch the bees. Not that I was afraid to fight. I was afraid to do only get worse. I constantly disappearing at an apiary, where there were a lot of bees. Strange insects. They lived only a couple of days, but all the time they spent working. They collected honey and brought it in. I even managed to himself a little collect. And yet the food from people I don't like. They should not eat of anything natural. Then I remembered that Dean loves sandwiches. I carefully picked up all the ingredients. I wanted to feed him a delicious sandwich, which only could be. The natural. Of course, that no one suspected, I and Sam did. Constantly, when I come - I tried to persuade him to battle. But I refused. I even offered to have a cat! And what is that? This small animal is able to calm the person and to give a lot of pleasant emotions. But me again no one wanted to listen to. Yes, and what I could say. I rejoiced at least the fact that Dean was now with his brother. It was most important to him. Then, when I sent Dean to his Импале, he talked to me. And I knew that in his heart he wants to forgive me, but can't for some reason. I realized, looking at him again, that all the same the only goal for me was to protect him. To help him, what I did not become. We went to dick. I helped among clones recognize it. When I felt that dick is going to attack Dean - I closed it is, but Leviathan only threw me to the side. At the moment Dean stuck in a piece of bone. She did nothing Leviathan, he laughed. But I knew that this was only a trick. I grabbed my dick by the hair and Dean stuck this bone in his throat. Then came some oscillations, waves, which were wider and wider. I did not understand what was happening. But at the last moment it came to me - Crowley still did not give us the blood. Then there was an explosion, and we are lost.

***I woke up. Following woke up Dean.

"CAS, where are we? What is happening? his voice showed fear. He knew nothing about the place where he was, and that is what scares him.

"We're in purgatory, Dean. "I realized that all the leviathans they learned about the fact that we are here. What will they want to destroy the Dean and I was walking radio beacon his whereabouts. I was gone.

I'm a long-time running, just running around." Because he couldn't destroy a single one of them. I met constantly caique-the monsters. But they didn't concern me. Because with them I could cope without problems. Something happened to my container here. I'm a little overgrown with. Cloak dirty and covered not only mud, and blood. I constantly ran. Didn't want anyone to find Dean. I ran as far as you can, so that monsters are not reaching my man...

I was walking along the Bank of the stream. Walked for a long time, until I sat down to wash.

"CAS? "I distinctly heard the voice of Dean.

-Dean? "I whispered. I do not believe that he is. I turned, Dean walked toward me with a smile on his face. He squeezed me a hug. I was dumbfounded. How did he find me? And is he looking for?

'Got a gun? "he touched my cheek, so fleeting. And I broke inside something. Loud explosion sounded in heels and moved somewhere at the bottom of the abdomen.

"Yes, something like that. How did you find me?

- Walking on the corpses. How do you feel?" Dean was looking right at me.

"You mean - not crazy I? But, for your information, 95 % of crazies feel normal. But I'm kind of in the order. "I'm so glad to see him. He looked at me as something else, it was not the hatred, which I had been accustomed to see. And yet he was not alone. He acquainted me with the vampire, his name was benny. I could not believe that Dean Winchester is able to be friends with the monster. Though I still loved the Dean, but was not jealous of him. Because in that moment I saw the way he looked on him, and as looked at me. Something warm was in his gaze to me. And I couldn't tell what he felt.

"Why are you cast Dean? As far as I know, when he was here, the wings were gone. He should explain himself.- Benny asked me this question, and I don't know what to say.

- We were surrounded by clear? It is obvious that someone had attacked the Casa and he kicked his ass! - Dean beg for me. Incredibly. After all that I've done.

"No, Dean.

"What?.. he looked blankly at me. And I decided. For me it was better in at least this time to tell him the truth, than tell a lie and that he again hated me.

"I ran away.

"It just took and ran away?

"I should have.

"Is that what you sorry for the fact that dropped me in the middle of these creatures? "I saw Dean starts to get angry. "So you are gone and broke it a little camp? CAS, I prayed for you! Every night! "is he really was praying, I heard it, " said the vampire.

"I know...

"And don't you... " Dean said. - What is wrong with you!

"I am an angel in the cursed earth! To me hunted from the moment we arrived here!

- Not to you alone! "he's angry and shouted at me.

"It's not just monsters, Dean! This leviathans! For my head a reward, and all the time I tried to hide, to... " I stammered - Keep them away from you. So I ran. "I rolled his eyes, not knowing what to expect from it. "just leave me here, please.

"Good plan. "I did not expect from benny other option.

"CAS... We plan to escape. We are going home.- he looked right at me

"Dean, I can not.

"You can! Benny, tell him. "the vampire explained that there is a way to leave a Purgatory, but already then I knew that I would not do it. It was the place where I should be. I don't deserve freedom.

"CAS, buddy,I need you! "I did not expect from him such words.

- Dean...

"If leviathans prey on us - let it be. We have already done them one day, be able to repeat. "he was smiling a little and looked me straight in the eyes, I казалось. that he sees right through me.

"It's too dangerous... " I tried to convince him.

"Let's call it a day. I cannot leave here without you! Is it clear?" - at that moment, I realized that I am not indifferent to him. That he needs me. Even as a friend, as a brother. I couldn't believe it. I looked at him, like a fool, and could not say a word, as he looked at me with a soft smile on her face and warm eyes. I loved him so much, that I could not tell him then that is not going to come back. Yes, I'm not going back, because my self-hatred was much stronger than the love for Dinah...

We have a very long time looking for the way out, killed a lot of evil spirits, fought with левиафанами and in one of these endless days - we found him. Portal immediately reacted to the Dean, because he's a man. We ran to the portal, suddenly appeared and choking the road leviathans our common efforts were rendered harmless. Dean stepped over the edge, holding out her hand. I grabbed for her, but after a moment I realized: this is it, the moment of truth for me. I let go of his hand deliberately, allowing Dean to return one.

For a long time I ran the vast expanses of Purgatory. I tore to pieces and I, hiding, healed the wounds. I had and I fled, knocking his feet in the blood. But there was not a single moment that I had not thought about it. I always kept in his mind the image. Every time recovering from another wound I thought about it. It gave me strength. While at one point, I again did not get back to earth. As it happened - I don't know. But I immediately ran to him. To the man, whom he loved.

He was taken aback by my appearance. And strangely looked at me, as if looking from head to foot. I gave myself up and a lot of thought about what I do. I decided that I don't want to appear at the heavens and see what I have them turned. But I knew that I still want to help people. And that is why I decided to stay with Dean. It has become a hunter. To some extent it was funny, but on the other hand - at least I could be near him.

In that day Sam went for shopping and Dean and I were left alone. I was nervous, but already more or less could relax. I even sat on the corner of the bed and leaned back against the pillow.

"CAS! - Dean slammed the lid of the laptop and walked towards me. "Talk to me. Tell me, what thoughts plagued by angelic comb?

- Dean... I no longer want to go to heaven. Because I'm afraid to see that there's nothing after I left.

"I want to know why you came to me? Why would the first thing you came out here? It was not just a coincidence, right? - Dean sat in front of me and all got closer to the truth.

- It's all because of you, Dean. I have repeatedly said. "I sat down exactly in front of him.

"Just come here without their angelic things, the type of the chosen one... blah blah... pulled out of hell... Know, have you heard already.

"Because I need you, Dean. And not only because I brought you out... but because I love you.

"So... - Dean rubbed his chin and lips. The way he always did when he was stunned or thought. "And before you could say?

"Dean, I do it all the time died for you, Sam returned from hell for you. Everything I do - everything was for the sake of you! "my voice hoarse. Dean more never said a word, but just abruptly grabbed me in a hug and pressed her to him.

"You know, I always thought of angels special beings. Then you came and I ceased to believe in the nobility. But the only angel to me was you. When we got in Purgatory, I realized that the more expensive you I have only Sam. And spit on all the principles and stereotypes! Don't lose? he buried his nose in my head. I don't know what to say. I just hugged him. Then went Sam. We have with him is still a long conversation.

Part 6

Sam walked into the room and with a strange expression looked at us. Dean, in spite of all my expectations, did not set himself free hand, but continued to hug, therefore I am not removed.

- Guys, you're scaring me... Us that threatens terrible danger, and you have decided in advance to say good-bye to each other? "snorted Jr., passed by and she sat down at his laptop.

"Sammy, shut up, " Dean muttered, still lowered his hands and looked me in the eyes. And then he took his jacket from the chair and went out into the street, as he said, «to cool off a little bit.»

As soon as the door closed behind him, and Sam turned questioningly to me. I thought so. Shown on the face of the careless, I told Sam that Dean just remembered about Purgatory and it was the emotion. I think he believed me. I quietly glad that finally learned to lie to people.

I turned on the TV again and thought. On the one hand I wanted to find Dean, and on the other on the contrary - hide and never answer his prayers. But I couldn't live like that... Now Dean knows about my feelings, I said at last in that, from which he fled, which is not believed and have defended to the last. How did he react? And as he would say about it, Sam?

I was gone from the room to the Dean returned to his brothers thought that I did not hear what they said. Somehow it seemed to me that from such a conversation is unlikely to happen would be something good.

- Sam. - Dean threw the keys on the table, put a few cans of beer next to Sam, and he flopped down on the bed.

- Hi. You okay?" - bed still bore the faint smell of Casa.

"What?" Yes, everything's fine.

- Dean, what happens?

"What do you mean? - Dean shrugged innocently, to which Sam's frown deepened.

"Oh, I Kasa! Why does it look like in love with a girl?

"It seemed to me, he always looks so, " the draught of beer, a grin. I have always liked the sense of humor Dean, but now I'm a little offended because of this поддакивания. And then I realized that Dean just cover me.

"You thought. Because you look like you did a few minutes ago. Dean... what is it?

"Sam, stop talking nonsense! "I saw that Dean was angry.

"Dean, do you think that I don't see anything? In addition, CAS three minutes ago I told him everything. "I curled into a ball, like the Hard drive could see me now. Perhaps, I shouldn't have said about us Sam? But on the other hand, I cannot imagine how struggles to Dean himself was...

And behold, I am standing in the corner of the room, waiting for the reaction of the elder brother. Dean stood scowling, his hands clenched into fists, trying to say or do something that could save his reputation. In the end, Dean wearily sits on the bed, raises a hard look at Sam and said:

"You know, Sammy, what the funny thing? I also love the Casa. Me, damn it, least of all in the world I would like to with you to discuss it, but there is no one else. And so... damn. I love Casa. he smiled sadly, narrowing her eyes. From the corner when they heard these words, at the same time I felt an unprecedented burst of happiness and resentment. As this is no more to tell, but Sam? Dean could tell me.

"So... I think, first you need to find the strength to say about this in the Kasu, right? "Sam busily paced back and forth across the room and gave valuable advice. I listened to him and smiled. Would be very funny if Dean listen to him and do everything according to the scenario, but I have to pretend like it was for me a perfect surprise. On my cheeks, should be, now have a flush... Sam meanwhile, with a nervous grin added: " And know - I have nothing against it, I had long suspected your sweet couple...

"You go into a stump! - Dean launched a pillow at him. "Thank you, of course, for a lecture on the Beautiful, but do you even imagine how I must confess in love... well, shit... Kasu?! Okay, I'll think about it... " and with these words Dean got up from the bed, intending to get back on the street продышаться.

The door slammed, Sam sat down in the chair in the notebook and whispered:

- Кастиэль... If you hear me - don't miss his chance now.

«I understand you, Sam. I will not miss their chance.»

I instantly disappeared from the Motel, mentally tracking Dean. My man just walked through the deserted street in the direction of the bar. What is a bar to the hard Drive, I could well remember, therefore, decided, in what would but neither was, to catch them on the road.

The soft rustle of wings announced my presence. Dean spun around and stared at me with frightened eyes. I told him a long silent gaze, came closer... From my man the waves came panic. What does it cost him this recognition... I felt the tenderness, when I saw the desperate blush on his cheeks. Unable to resist, I raised my hand and touched his cheek-bones, running his fingers up to his chin. Dean shuddered, looked down hesitated, but did not pull away. I grew bolder and put the other hand on Dean's shoulder. He looked back at me with those eyes, that I realized - this is it. The very moment, when the words are superfluous. In his green eyes shimmered with the sea of feelings, consideration of the past.

«I Am The Angel Of The Lord. That I got you out of Hell.» - distrust against the peace.

« Last night on Earth. I would just like to sit quietly here.» despair against the tribesmen.

«I fell for this?! You to surrender to them?!» - rage against despair.

« We have to Dean deeper relationship.» - simple sincerity against confused denial.

« I ran away... not to let them get to you.» - devotion against doubt. This killing devotion. She killed me, and Dean. Now I read easy on the eyes, all that was between us. He forgave me. For all. He always loved, not aware, but only now realized how strong the truth of it was from the very beginning.

In my chest as though the bloom of a rose...

Dean just smiled, looking at my face, which now shone with such love that it seemed the vessel is not survive and bursting at the seams. And then Dean tilted his head and touched his lips to my lips. Oh my God... It was so beautiful and fleeting... Winchester gently biting his my lower lip and held back from last forces not to attack me in a fit of frenzied passion. For so long... I strongly responded to his kisses, Reaffirming the answers to the dumb questions and blurring the lines between truth and falsehood. With the lips of a man broke sharp intake of breath. His hot breath seared my face, he suddenly pulled away from me and grabbed the collar of my coat stranglehold.

"CAS, CAS, Кастиэль... I... listen... Forgive me for what I didn't believe you, don't believe in you, it happened, I didn't want to, though, forgive me for God's sake, CAS... I don't want you to once again died for us, please, not an argument to this, otherwise I myself die, CAS, you know?... God, please, I can't take this anymore... CAS!... CAS, I love you. The feathered... Feathered miracle, wicked you're an asshole, I love you so much! "he laughed with tears in his eyes, frowning, cracking phrases, promises, confessions of a... I'm not even noticed that I was sitting on his knees right on the pavement, and Dean sits in front of me and nose, she pats me on the cheek...I did not know that the angels know how to weep. An hour ago I never knew how much I love Dean, and the more he could not assume, that my feelings could be mutual.

I have many things I don't know... but now in my heart in a moment lost weight of this lack of knowledge.

We sat in front of each other and wiped rampant dripping tears. Dean pressed his forehead to mine, firmly grabbed me by the neck, holding. Clenching his teeth, and through them smiling. Stream filled with tears, and he smiled.

"What a fool I was - " he several times repeated this to me, whispered in his ear that he loves. And I'm crying and smiling at the happy smile that could.

A little later we returned to the Motel, and Sam was not. Everything happened too quickly for you to understand. Too hot to bear. Oiled long expectation of kissing. The skin was on fire from the touch. Hurry broken things, flying indiscriminately around the room. Convulsions brought the fingers, when I was clutching his shoulders. To the pain bitten lips, burning and soothing at the same time. Noisy breaths, heavy and ragged breaths, tortured moan. Pain that washed over the edges of the coming of pleasure. The body melted, the air, it seems, was too hot. Another attempt to dial the air and his name, emanating from the lips of the latest outbreak of bliss. It seems that he, too, cried out my name. Sweet weight of his body, whispering in the ear, that he loves, that he was happy. That is exactly what I wanted him to be happy. I, too, was happy, as never before in all my years of existence. Wearily, he held me to him. The first time I fell asleep. For many thousands of years. Next to my beloved man, in his arms.

Father-If you in fact still there, at the top, then I want to say - thank you for the fact that sent me, Dean Winchester.


End file.
